When I picked up Spencer from the babysitter, I was grateful for the time I had had to calm down. It's so much easier to dish out a punishment when you can think clearly. It also gave me the chance to call Spencer's dad and get him to agree with me on carrying over the punishment at his house. *sigh* (that's a whole other story right there!)
I had Spencer do his homework first and then sat him down for THE TALK. He told me what had happened. Their class was at gym and they were playing tag. Spencer thought he was on the base and Michael thought Spencer wasn't. Michael tagged Spencer, Spencer got mad, Michael got in Spencer's face and Spencer pushed him. It went from there with Spencer hitting Michael and Michael biting Spencer. Here is a picture of his bite mark: (Yes, I know it's a crappy photo, but it's all I've got.)
I asked Spencer how he felt and he said, "Sad, because I get in trouble everyday." I asked him how he felt about what had happened that day. He said, "Even worser. It's the worstest thing I've ever done to anyone." And then he burst into tears, which actually made me very happy as his mother. I wanted to him feel remorse and to understand that it's not okay to hurt another person because they tag you out of a game of tag. However, I don't think of this as Spencer being a bully, but more that he got upset over the game and lost control. I told him that his punishment was to be grounded from everything for a week: no tv, no computer or video games, no playing with friends and no violent toys for an indefinite period of time. He, of course, got very upset went to his room to calm down. A few minutes later I checked on him. I explained him that I wasn't trying to be mean; I was trying to help him understand how serious it was that he not start fights. He then got up and started gathering together his toy weapons for me. All in all, I felt pretty good about it. Until the next day.
His friend came to the door to see if Spencer could play. I let Spencer answer it and tell his friend that he was grounded. He did that, and then boasted that he had beat up Michael. I could have smacked him! I was so mad! Did he not learn ANYTHING?? I yelled instead.
The next day the same boy came back to the door. I was sick with the flu and told Spencer that he could not answer the door. Let the kid stand there all day, I was too sick to care. A few minutes later I could hear the kid and Spencer talking through the window. I yelled again, since that what I do so well. Talking to your friends through the window is a violation of being grounded! So... he did it again. Talk about having a thick skull, (I blame his father). So I added another day to his week long grounding.
Over the last week, he's been a brat through and through. From sassing me and telling me he doesn't like me, to conveniently forgetting that he's grounded. Having a child who's grounded is like being grounded yourself and being grounded as a grown-up totally sucks. Just so you know.
Today, however, he was awesome. He emptied the dishwasher. Cleaned some spilled milk from the fridge and floor. Restocked the water bottles. Washed the bathroom mirror. And even let me pick a game for us to play! And then he beat me at Trouble.
Some days, or weeks, I feel like a complete failure as a mother. And then there are the days where everything is perfect, or nearly so, and I think I just might be able to do this.
