MySpace Follies

I've been dating Matt for about 2 and a half years, 1 and a half exclusively. We've got a great relationship and I'm head over heals in love with him. We rarely fight and when we do it's often a miscommunication. Our biggest problem is that I want things to be moving faster then they are. It's a lesson in patience and acceptance for me. :-)

Yesterday things got a little out of hand. I wanted some reassurance that even though things aren't moving as fast as I'd like they are, at least, moving! But I didn't quite go about getting that reassurance the way I should have, (like... over IM = dumb). He ended up feeling attacked and that I was blaming him for all of the problems in my life. Oy. The conversation ended not well.

Later in the day I logged in to myspace and for whatever reason started looking for Matt. I've looked for him a few times, but always using his full name. This time, I used his nickname and, what do you know? I found him. I was surprised to see that he had an account, but even more surprised to read that he would "like to meet a girl that we both share similar interests." And even more shocking was that his relationship status was "swinger."

This wasn't exactly comforting in my already emotional and insecure state. I have always trusted Matt to not cheat on me. He's been through some pretty rocky relationships and we've both felt the sting of a cheating significant other. Of all the men I've dated (or been married to) he's the one I wouldn't have pegged as a cheater. So knowing all of this, I tried to be rational. Which, as some of you might know, isn't easy when you're already a basket case! I figured that this was probably something he wrote before we had made a commitment and that we spend so much time together as it is, that he wouldn't have the time to cheat! On the other hand... there's always that doubt.

I'm not the type to stuff things. I either talk about things as they happen, or I explode over something small. I prefer option #1. So I got Judy to come over and watch Spencer after he went to bed. Then I went to talk to Matt and get it out in the open. I asked him if he was looking for someone else, if he was cheating, if he was meeting new girls, to all of which the answer was no. And to reassure me, I asked to see his account, and without hesitation he let me. He said he didn't even know it was still on there and that he had written that before he even met me. He deleted it and changed his relationship status from swinger, (which was a joke), to in a relationship. And he even apologized for it all... and he wasn't mad at me for freaking out. We laughed about it a bit and he held me while I bawled.

Now today I feel pretty dumb! I remember how much I love this guy and how lucky I am to have him. And I feel retarded for doubting him and am so grateful that he puts up with my little dramas.